This Is Me

So, when i started writing this song, i PLANED on it being a love song..but God decided thats not what he wanted to happen, and this all honestly just kinda happened in about an hr.

The song is basically about those times in our lives, or at least mine, where im really struggling with sin, or self doubt, or a personal grief, and for whatever reason, whether it be pride, fear, shame, or foolishness, i dont turn to God to fight it. I just leave it up to myself. And of course that will just lead to failure. So in the chorus you see the person has finally hit that low point where they know they cant do anything themselves and call upon god.

the majority of the song is sung to Satan, but the final section is just praising Jesus...sooo. here it is

I tell myself it's ok

Things will be better today

nothings gonna stand in my way

still, there's you.

You're like this sick disease

that has found a home in me

id give it all to break free

but there's always you.

but not today, somethings change

Im done with hurting over you

Im done with hiding the things i do

thinking somehow it will all turn out alright

Im starting over here and now

There's a different king to which i boy

Its time to show you who i really am

Yeah, this is me

I know i've made mistakes

At times, been nothing but fake

But i kno a way to make

me more than you

In the past i hid my shame

treating life like a cosmic game

giving everyone else my blame

but im more than you

thanks to what he can do

Today, my whole life will change

Im done with hurting over you

Im done with hiding the things i do

thinking somehow it will all turn out alright

Im starting over here and now

There's a different king to with i bow

Its time to show you who i really am

Yeah, this is me

No one really knows how to be happy

cause living life means there will always be pain

and every time somebody turns around

you try to pull them into your flames

When we finally think we've got hold of things

you go around and change the rules

but someone great has given me a way out

he's given me the ultimate tools

Im done with hurting over you

Im done with hiding the things i do

thinking somehow it will all turn out alright

Im starting over here and now

There's a different king to which i bow

Its time to show you who i really am

Yeah, this is me

(spoken)

"my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." psalm 73:26

Im yours Lord

Im yours Lord

everything i am is for you

Im yours Lord

Im yours Lord

even impossible things you can do

bring me closer to you

your will is what i want to do

Im yours Lord

Im yours Lord

Im yours

note: this image does not belong to me

Equality

Oh equality, what a lovely lie to spread.

When, in reality, equality is dead.

For equality is not law or creed, but people's very lives.

Equality is actions, good or bad.

Law cannot stop living knives.

So let it now be heard today,

from every street and corner.

Though it may be here someday,

equality did not exist former.

Note: This photo does not belong to me

Little Children's Tears

Sitting on the sand, looking at an ocean so vast.

Each wave telling a story from the past.

The dreams and hopes of the morning and night.

Of ambitions and hardships- our birthright.

But as a wave hits the sand and the skies roar,

a child's tear may be ignored.

Too many to count, so little to lend a hand.

The only way to know is to experience firsthand,

The tears belonging to girls and boys.

Like a fire you feel you must destroy.

But to stop the tears is to stop the rain.

To try, though, we must not refrain.

The tears of the children are all over the world.

Just allow your mind to be unfurled.

From Africa and Asia to the Americas and Europe.

The tears cannot be masked by makeup.

Like the waves of yesterday reaching the sands of today,

If you want to stop the tears, don't stop midway.

Note: This image does not belong to me

Breathe

the sun.

its so warm.

it hits my face like a wave of breath that i have been keeping in my lungs.

so afraid of letting it out.

so scared

let it out.

escape from the frozen air that has chilled even my marrow.

my teeth have been playing songs for so long,

my mouth chattering to the beat of my heart

heart beating.

i want to be loved,

but there are so many scars.

who would want someone this disfigured?

all alone in the darkness i sit until the day the scars heal

push out the dark.

let light fill me.

fill every part of me like the water of a deep sea as a ship fades into the waves

but, what is my sea?

if i breathe in the salty air,

will my skin dry out until there is nothing left but a statue dedicated to my old self.

i become a doll being posed to fit the life of the people around me.

again comes the warm breeze.

the leaves dance like a ballet of colors in the autumn sky

i wish i could be those leaves.

still i stand in fear.

what if i was hated for my dance?

would it be that bad if i stood out?

can i be different and still be happy?

dark thoughts plague me.

the candle in my window is dying down.

where will the light come from now?

i feel like no one sees the pain.

no one sees the scars.

if they do, they leave me to fall regardless.

the hole i slip into seems to only get deeper.

still no one reaches out their hands.

how deep will they let me fall?

how deep will i let myself fall?

a voice breaks through,

sounding like a babbling brook and the clap of thunder.

comfort and fear flow in all at once. but no darkness.

only light

all i can hear is his whisper.

"i love you.

follow me and you will never be alone again.

i will pull you from the hole.

you are so beautiful to me. now live"

i breathe

Note: None of these images belong to me

Anniversary

May 26, 2008
a day i wont soon forget.
a day that to any other is but another check on a list of passing days counting down on an infinite clock until they become what they once were,
dust.
how i long to be them at times, free from the restraints that tie my memory to this day.
yet here i lay, helpless to the wanderings of my mind, the beating of my heart.
two years ago today, a few hours before now you asked me into your life.
i accepted, never knowing what was ahead.
today i sit in melancholy, wondering the point of it all.
You were once my best friend, my lover, my confidant.
I need not know any fear while you held me in your arms and whispered in my ear.
yet, you were the one to be feared.
you held the knife that cut me like butter, leaving a scar in the shape of your name, branding me to your ownership.
the blood dripped, as did the tears that washed me clean.
through the pain i found myself, covered once by your very essence.
your essence, something i held so dear, wrapping around myself like a blanket.
your essence, the one thing that was suffocating me was what i loved the most.
i forgave you like a fool, wanting you, needing you. planning a life as the wife of you.
i saw each bruise as it appeared on my skin, each tear as it rolled down my face
yet i forgave you.
beyond forgiveness, i gave you a key into the depths of my soul and allowed you to destroy me from within.
you couldn't have done it without me
so perhaps i was that knife that cut in so deep
perhaps i was the one who left your name imprinted on myself.
and why is it so easy to forgive the one holding the knife, before forgiving the blade
you received pass after pass while i let myself bleed until nothing was left.
but i loved you
so that was the price i paid, nothing in life is free.
i traded myself for a short lived romance leaving nothing but shattered pieces of a future you once helped me build
a heart torn into crumbs not even an ant bothers to notice
two souls, once joined, hiding from each other like scared children

May 26, 2010
Now, you are but a memory in the chaos of my mind.
my heart still remembers your love
my skin still remembers you're touch
but i do not want you now
in foolishness i wish to be in the past where you were mine
i cannot know if that past will ever again be a truth of the present
but i hope it does not
for in my mind you cannot lie, manipulate, or hurt.
you promised me forever, and like the foolish girl i am i believed you
you gave me a ring, yet it was worth more in dollars than in meaning
you played with my mind, my spirit
so no, i dont want you now.
still, i cannot let you go
not yet
your name is still visible on me, my tears have yet to wash me completely
in time i will be free for your strings
one day you will look upon me for solace from your mistakes
forgiveness is all i will offer

Hold On

Hold on, Just hold on x3

I know you've said it's over
but it's just so hard to leave
I can't grasp this feeling
that we will never be

You told me that you loved me
that we would never be apart
but now you've left me hanging
have me stranded in the dark

I know one day I'll move on
my heart wont scream for you
but moving forward is much worse
than anything else i'll ever do

Hold on, Just hold on
to your memories of me
hold on, just hold on
love me always baby, please
I kno that i cant have you
and one day you'll love her more
but until that day, all I can say
is hold me tightly at your core

I know I'll be happy once more
with each one closed comes an open door
I kno this will all just be a memory
but deep inside you'll always be with me

hold on, just hold on x3

Hold on, Just hold on
to your memories of me
hold on, just hold on
love me always baby, please
I kno that i cant have you
and one day you'll love her more
but until that day, all I can say
is hold me tightly at your core

It's funny to me that it takes two
for us to become something true
but when, for you, its finally done
ripping us apart takes only one

note: the image above does not belong to me

Rain

As my heart broke so did the clouds, causing the rain to fall as hard as my hopes and dreams did that day.
And as the rain fell my tears became invisible to the world around me.
And the reason for all the pain that i felt was you.
You broke me down and let me fall into my own empty heart.
But why, why would you do such a thing to me?
I loved you and i know you loved me too.
But then only love can bring us to do such things.
You said you hated me and i let myself believe it, but the look in your eyes only told me that your words were lies painting a picture even you hated.
But i am better now, my heart has filled with the tears i cried that night over you.
The pain will never again plauge me like it did that day.
I hope that you can now look at that picture you painted that day and say that it makes you happier than the one that your truths paint,
because you will never have me back.

Note: This photo does not belong to me